It started off innocently enough... But it didn't take long for me to go on and on about stupid stuff xD Sorry =P
I'm 18. I don't have any idea what I'm going to do after school. I have problems doing any work outside of school. I have life way to easy, yet I continue to complain. I whine about problems that are inconsequential. My amateur photography has come to a rough halt as it seems I've temporarily lost appreciation in the simple things that used to prompt me to take photos. I enjoy some things much more than I ever have before. I find I'm able to emotionally immerse myself in my books, making me love them so much more. I have my ups and downs of which I apologise to anyone who has had to experience me when I'm difficult. I'm not particulary impressed with my appearance, but I'm also not upset about it. I am who I am (physically, emotionally, and mentally) because that is who I've chosen to be. Every decison I've made has affected me. Every thought I have is influenced by my experiences. Every experience I've gone through is a result of the decisions I have made. Almost every physical aspect of me has been forged by the way I have chosen to live my life. Although I may have doubts and fears, I would not have chosen to live it any differently as I did exactly what I wanted to do and will continue to do so. Sometimes I just can't help thinking pessimistically, but I still try to at least note the possibility of other outcomes. I have self esteem issues and at times I feel like I don't deserve any of what I have. I'm not very creative. I would love to learn to play the piano and might be starting lessons sometime soon after I find someone to teach me. I'm pretty damn socially awkward. I'm lucky in the sense that it's easier for me to understand some things than it is for some people. At times I don't see the point in anything. Other times I choose to just ignore that and live life because it's there for us to choose what we want to do to give us a sense of fulfillment. Obviously those thoughts are greatly influenced by the mood I'm in and aren't really the only way I think of things. Based on my mood and thoughts, they can change slightly (by a single word) or greatly (being on a completely unrelated train of thought). I try to show some sort of understanding or an attempt to understand most things, whether or not I disagree with them. I care about someone I'm not even really sure whether they want to even know me. I'm very unsure of myself. I seem to rarely understand (or think about) why I do things when I do them and when I think about it sometime later I can never decide on a reason. All I do is present possibilities to myself. Essentially, I sometimes even doubt my own motives, or, what I think my motives are. I can't help thinking that I may have really had other reasons to actually do things. I can't even pretend to believe that I understand how my mind works and where my train of thought might go. I can be very unorganised. I seem to like being vague. I implore you to understand that all of this was pretty much done unedited. Just about all of this is subject to constant change based on how I'm feeling. It may seem like such a mess, but if you can understand it all, it's probably one of the many reasons I like knowing you. Also, just taking the time to read it gives you a few extra points in my books.
I might take notes of extra things I think of and do a new one of these from scratch in a few months.
